This is a question you may be asking yourself. You may also be wondering:
- Is sex addiction a real thing?
- What does sex addiction look like?
- How does sex addiction affect relationships?
- How can I tell if my partner is a sex addict?
- Will my partner’s sex addiction affect our level of intimacy?
- Will my partner’s addiction destroy our relationship?
Most people don’t understand what being a sex addict means, for the person as well as their partner. It may be that your partner is suffering with a sex addiction, or it could be that you are simply feeling dissatisfied with your relationship and wanting things such as your sex life and levels of intimacy to be different. How can you tell the difference? Below are some signs to look for.
8 ways to know whether your partner is a sex addict
- They have been unfaithful numerous times – This is not one case of infidelity, but a history of cheating on partners and what seems like an inability to remain faithful to your relationship even if he or she is stating that they want this.
- Compulsive use of porn – Perhaps at one point in your relationship you used porn together as part of foreplay, but now your partner is needing to use porn alone or secretively, maybe staying up later than you to use porn and attempting to hide the habit. He or she may need more stimulation to achieve the same level of sexual excitement they used to.
- Using adult sites / chat rooms – Creating a profile that they check on a regular basis. Sending and receiving intimate pictures with people they don’t know. Consistently chatting to potential partners though they have not met them or had a sexual relationship with them.
- Visiting sex workers – Choosing to pay for sex with people outside of the relationship.
- Lack of control around sexual behaviour – Being driven by sexual desire as the main focus in the relationship or in life in general. A feeling of the sexual behaviour being out of control.
- Excessively secretive – Hiding their phone, being secretive around their use of technology and passwords. Over emphasising that certain things are ‘private’ for them and none of your business.
- Sexual behaviour negatively influencing other areas of life – Are there problems relating to sexual behaviour that your partner is encountering at work, in relationships, in the area of finances or even health?
- Inappropriate boundaries and behaviour – Perhaps you have observed, or someone else has complained, that your partner is not adhering to appropriate boundaries regarding physical space. Or you and friends around you are noticing your partner being overfamiliar, making inappropriate comments or excessively using innuendos.
It isn’t necessary to tick every one of these boxes, but you will find a pattern of these kinds of behaviours and consequences when your partner has a sex addiction. All is not lost, there is help available both for those trying to cope with having a sex addiction and for their partners.
Addiction is no cause for blame
People often find compassion for those who develop an alcohol addiction, whereas sex addiction tends to be a more controversial topic. Any addiction can drive good people to do bad things. Many people are sceptical about the reality and causes of the condition, however, attitudes are slowly beginning to change. It’s important to remember that if your partner does have a sex addiction, there is no need for blame or self-doubt. Similarly, it’s helpful to remind yourself that they have a condition that needs treatment.
As with alcoholism, a full recovery is possible with the right help and support. If you and your partner want to work through things together, though it may not be easy, it is possible. Relationships can survive addiction to sex. Call me on 01227 290 098 to begin working your way through addiction to a healthy, balanced relationship.