Five relationship tips to help you communicate better
1. Don’t ask your partner for things when your emotions are running high, wait until you feel calmer. This way you will find it easier to be clear and assertive rather than angry and aggressive.
Relationship tip: When you’re feeling angry, take yourself to a quiet room and journal for at least five or ten minutes. Allow the anger to spill out onto the paper without editing it. Don’t read it back afterwards, throw it away, let it go.
2. Make a request without blame.
Own your feelings: “I feel angry when I see….. I’d really appreciate it if you could ….”
Relationship tip: Use ‘I’ statements when you are talking to your partner about something difficult.
3. Choose a good time to make a request. For example, when your partner is tired and overwhelmed, it is not a good time.
Relationship tip: Take a walk together, when your partner is feeling more relaxed, make your request, with kindness and consideration.
4. It takes courage to ask for a need to be met because it means being vulnerable. Be clear with yourself that it’s okay for you to ask.
Relationship tip: Often we learn as a child that we shouldn’t ask for things. Spend time reassuring yourself in a loving way that it is okay for you to ask for what you want.
5. Think of something you are grateful for and let your partner know how much you appreciate them. Over time this can build your intimacy.
Relationship tip: Each day, try writing down five things about your partner you are grateful for. It will get easier as you go and begin to change the way you see them.
“I’m looking for help with my relationship”
Finding a skilled relationship therapist is an important step in identifying the everyday patterns that can slowly but surely destroy your relationship. The counsellor can help you move through patterns, improve your communication and nurture the space between you, which will enable you to have a far more loving, satisfying and joyful relationship.
Learning to give time to the space between you will bring you both a depth of happiness you deserve.